Comparisons come easily to me, as they do to most of us.
Each time I open my Instagram account and see how everyone else appears to have been born, raised, and are currently living their best lives — and, dare I say, even better than fine, most of the time I can’t help but wonder “How lucky they are..”. It’s the classic case of “the grass is always greener on the other side,” or so it seems.
Yet I think there’s a question that deserves our attention more than a simple “Is it?”. Perhaps we should be asking, “Why does it matter to think about the grass on the other side?”. And the answer, as we should all be aware, is that it really shouldn’t matter.
Who knows if the ‘greener’ grass on the other side is plastic or grows from different seeds? Just because the grass on the other side is greener, it doesn’t mean that our grass is terrible. Our grass will only turn awful if we neglect it, don’t you think?
“But I can’t help but keep comparing!!!” you scream inside, and so do I, many times.
…
A few hours ago, I was about to post one of the mini trends I saw from a colleague’s Instagram story about “How did you look in 2017?”. I recalled my life in 2017 when I was part of a government-led program to enhance the creative industry in rural Indonesian cities. I was assigned to the far eastern region called Belu, Atambua. It was one of the best experiences in my professional journey. Not only did it strengthen my collaboration skills, but it also helped me cultivate humility and sharpened my empathy as a designer. Having lived with the local community in Duo Rato and learned valuable leadership from the village head, I felt small, yet fulfilled and blessed at the same time.
As I was about to post my throwback, I stumbled upon the profile of a famous woman younger than me who seemed to have it all: a top-tier education from a prestigious university, a successful husband, an upcoming baby, a well-established career, and a seemingly healthy family. Minutes later, I found myself exploring her sisters’ profiles too, and marveled at how well their parents had raised them. “What a lovely family…” I wondered.
Suddenly, I felt insignificant. I felt that my 2017 experience which I was about to post was nothing compared to hers and her sisters’. I felt silly to be a woman in her early 30s reminiscing about such an ‘insignificant’ achievement. So, I decided not to participate in that throwback story trend.
After some reflection, I also realized, “What do I hope to achieve with this throwback, anyway? Praise? Validation that I once excelled in my field (before switching to another industry)? Respect? Or what?”.
I found it funny, yet my very own thoughts bothered me:
“Why should I feel insignificant just because others seem to have ‘better’ achievements?”. Because after all, each of us has a different starting point and our own definition of success, right? And…
“Why should I consider my experience ‘small’ just because others (seemingly) have it ‘big’?” Because we all know that what others have should never define the value of what we have.
Though I chose not to post my throwback, this realization led me to appreciate the importance of ‘counting’ my own steps as valuable, regardless of what others have achieved or experienced.
Every step I’ve taken, and continue to take, is mine to celebrate and learn from. Yes, it’s filled with flaws and room for improvement, but that doesn’t diminish its value to me.
So I took a few steps back tonight, to dismantle my bias towards other people’s green grass, and get myself out of spiraling thoughts about my steps in the past which already brought me here, at this very second time of my life, where I can sip my over-priced peach tea which I carefully savor to not running out of it too soon. Seven years ago, I would never have considered buying such a product due to other priorities. I guess that’s progress too — sometimes in life, you need to spend a bit extra to gain a better perspective. This tea certainly eases my stress every morning and becomes my ‘one step’ toward a better day. Hence it’s not just a tea. :)
…
At the end of this Sunday, I realized that life is indeed a subjective experience that needs to be examined objectively.
A week before I embark on my journey to Japan for a fresh, professional, albeit brief adventure to close 2023; I am grateful for this ‘step’ of self-realization. 🙂
—
Jakarta, October 15th, 2023
-T
