For anyone in your twenty-something, hi!
I am not one of those amazing youth listed on the 30 under 30 Forbes’ who has achieved some kind of admirable success like a degree from the world’s Ivy-League universities, co-founded a unicorn start-up, won a prestigious beauty pageant, nor even having three digits salary with a cushy and ever-growing corporate career. So I hope you would simply consider me as your sister’s next door, and I’ll tell you the reason at the end of this post.
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This letter was firstly written for one of my Japanese friends here as a genuine appreciation for his curiosity, which I wished I had when I was his age. And this post, the re-wrote and improved version of that letter, written as an expression of gratitude because he found that my letter has helped him in some ways, and told me this might help other people in their twenties. As for the letter’s introduction, we accidentally met at a meat-bowl diner in the morning after we spent playing games all night long with other friends, as a celebratory night after they submitted their thesis, and me passing my master’s thesis’ oral examination.
So here we are.
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Hello (supposed to be my friend’s name, but here you can put your name. Hehe)!
I’m not really good at speaking or explaining my thoughts during our conversation today, so I think it might be better if I summarize or add something about our talks this morning. I hope it can be useful for you. :)
As someone who is still struggling to make a decision about life’s direction in her last 6 months of being a twenty-something person, I’d love to share something that I wished someone has told me before, or I wished I could have more courage to ask about this to someone older than me when I was just starting out like you do right now (that’s why I really admire your curiosity! Please keep such curiosity forever! Hehe). But since I have been so used to process everything by myself and learned something out of it, I also fully acknowledge that I don’t regret any decision I made in the past. Because I am aware that I made those decisions consciously, though not all of them were wise enough or correct from the perspective of societal expectations. Therefore, I hope you will not repeat the same misdirection or disorientation that I experienced.
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Everyone might have different opinions about being a twenty-something, depending on their personalities, where they live, and how they have been raised by their parents or family. But if you ask me, being twenty-something with a college degree means a chance to explore and try the things that I believe could work for me. But of course, it comes with few, if not a lot, risks; people might not be able to understand your way of thinking, they might underestimate you, and you would feel insecure at certain times in your life, etc. It would be challenging to stick with our idealism if we don’t have established moral support from our inner circles (e.g., parents, family, close friends). And moral support can also mean financial backups if you want to build your own company/business. Therefore, I have learned one important thing during that time: to have faith in yourself.
Yes, it sounds very cliche or looks like it is copied from a book (and yes, I have read similar tips from some self-development books). Hehe. But believe me, to have faith in yourself (your skill sets and strengths) will help you get through so many challenging situations, especially when no one seems to believe you. As for the example, my parents never considered my small business back then as a true career. At the same time, I didn’t have enough faith in myself that I could be a good leader without my boyfriend’s help that time, who happened to encouraged me first hand to create that small business. However, while my parents were skeptical about my choice, I believed it was the right path. Seems paradoxical, right?
Not only my parents but some of my friends were also unsupportive of my decision. Some of them even said it was just a mere online-shop. Simultaneously, my unhealthy dependence on my ex-boyfriend’s knowledge “nurtured” my insecurity and anxious attachment with him. But I was lucky to finally be able to read the situation and broke “the wall.” By realizing that I still have to learn many things before going on my own, I closed the business and started working for someone I expected could give me wisdom. Unfortunately, since I didn’t have enough faith in my capability back then, I “bid” myself with a very cheap wage. The person whom I thought could be my mentor also didn’t meet my expectations, so I quit the job after 8 months and went on my own in the “ocean” of uncertainty. In addition to that, I ended my relationship. My family often looked at me in pity as they expected me to be as successful as the other people who graduated from my university. It was a traumatic year as almost no one seemed to care; I was on my own.
And here you can see as well; to have faith in yourself is to fully believe in your strengths without putting your self-worth and self-acknowledgment to other people’s opinions or presence. You build it and own it by yourself, no matter what happens. Unfortunately, I didn’t know about this at that time. :)
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The next thing is about the career you are going to choose.
So far, I think the wisest answer is; it depends on your priority and ability to set the timeline for yourself. Many people chose the corporate ladder or becoming a government officer because their priority might be to have a secure life and to save money. That’s not wrong at all, since they might as well have different priorities; family, personal desires, etc. Some others chose to be a committed entrepreneur because their priority might be to explore the possibility of their ideas, which essence could be self-fulfillment or to learn. That’s also not wrong, since we are naturally born as a creator (don’t you think?). However, one thing for sure, being an entrepreneur takes a lot of courage, a strong mental foundation, and if we are lucky, moral, and financial support from our inner circles. Other careers may as well include being a teacher, researcher, service worker, and else. Again, it depends on their personal interest, priority, and condition. Yet, we don’t always have to explain the reason for our choice.
However, as I observed the journey of my friends, I see a pattern; if they can’t carefully set the timeline about how long they want to work in a company or what exactly they want to achieve, they would gradually lose their courage to explore other possibilities in life, such as to follow up their long-term dreams or passion. On the other side, if people are not careful in thinking realistically in their entrepreneurship journey, they would be trapped in their idealism of doing something that doesn’t prove to work out. At the end of time, they would be in the same “pool” with their corporate-working friends; people who lose the courage to move their direction and start over because they are too self-consumed in their idea of being an “entrepreneur.”
And yet, you have the option to continue your education to graduate school.
I used to believe that people who continue to graduate school right after they got their college degree are lost people who don’t know their life’s direction. But I was wrong because I realized that everyone can find their life’s direction from anywhere. I suppose that there’s no such thing as the right path or way in this life, as we can only observe and try the path we believe would work for us.
About continuing your education to graduate school, I also observed that… if someone is not making the most out of their time at graduate school, once they get their master’s degree, they are actually no different from those with only a bachelor’s degree. Not making the most out of their time means if they see graduate school only as a way to get another degree and a better-paying job. Meanwhile, I recently realized that a degree is just an “accessory” on your name in the Curriculum Vitae. I got this thinking right after I finished my master’s thesis back in December, and to be honest, I felt nothing in particular. I thought for a moment… “is that just it?”. I used to think that finishing my master’s thesis would feel like a certain achievement in my life. But when I did it, there was no such thing as a special feeling of excitement, even though I enjoyed my master’s thesis project. The reason might be because I felt intellectually unchallenged during my study because of the passive learning culture in the class. But I never regret my decision to come to Japan. Because after some thinking, I also realized… that my time being a master’s student here in Japan is the best time for me to know myself better, question myself, narrow my interest, observe my surroundings, meet new people and learn from them.
In addition to that intellectual unsatisfaction with my study experience, I would like to suggest that if you want to have a master’s degree, try to go somewhere beyond your comfort zone. Because in that way, you will definitely learn more. I am fully aware that I had too many expectations for my academic journey on our campus. When it didn’t meet, I felt somehow disappointed and experienced some kind of itch and thirst to study again in another country. But then, I asked this question to myself;
“Do I want to study again to fulfill my ego, or because I still have to learn?”
Even though we, humans, will always have to learn, apparently, the answer was the first one: I wanted to study again because of my unsatisfied ego and thirst for self-recognition. Because if my desire is to learn, I can learn from anywhere and at any time. And I also realized that we can never satisfy our ego. At certain points in our lives, we have to know when to stop and move on, believing that there is an alternative way and even a better way to achieve what we want or desire.
Therefore, I also learned that it is essential to answer whether our desire comes from our ego (for self-acknowledgment, praise, money, status, etc.) or pure good intentions (for self-betterment, helping others, society, etc.). So far, I believe that any desire that comes from a pure intention will take you far in life and bring more goodness into your life.
Next, it is about making the most out of your advantages.
This morning, I suggested that you have to take advantage of being Japanese. It is not without reason, and from my observation, though I am fully aware, I might be mistaken. However, we know that the world has its own “system” of cultural trustworthiness that has been formed by the long-held history of each country. It may seem unfair sometimes for people who were born in developing countries like me. But it does seem fair if we learn the history of how certain country earned their position like your country, Japan. So make the most out of your privilege and be conscious of the value you have learned as a Japanese.
For those like me who come from developing nations, I believe that there is no better time than now to learn about our roots, culture, and history. In my opinion, only a nation that knows its identity can prosper on the global stage. Without it, a nation will only be a blind consumer who will gradually lose their identity and faith in their strengths.
The next advantage that we discussed is your age, which is the best thing about being a twenty-something. As a foreign national living in Japan, sometimes I think most young people here have to decide everything as fast as possible. They seem to start forgetting the essence of life itself, which is to experience. Sometimes, I really want to ask those working people what they are looking for in life, aside from a secure life. Some people I know put their pride in the company or government’s ministry they work at. But the questions are; what is the meaning of that pride? Where will their pride bring them, ten, twenty years from now, aside from a settled life? However, it is important to note that I never meant to tell you to be reckless about your life’s choice. I only want to suggest that it is very ok to experience first and decide later on which path you want to focus on. I also learned that the only important thing during the process is to consciously take any decision, not only for the sake of pride and recognition.
And yet, after all those things I have shared above, you also need to know that after you go on your own after graduating (whatever your choice will be), life becomes a very “tricky” friend. Sometimes, when you think that everything is working out, it will throw you some lemons, which challenge and put you on the pedestal. It sucks and depressing sometimes, as you have to adapt to different situations. Sometimes, you will also feel alone in your journey of figuring out everything. Everyone seems already getting their shit together except you; hence, you will feel like a failure. But that’s ok, that’s very normal as well… And when that happens, one last thing I would strongly suggest is to keep a mantra of: “these too shall pass”. :)
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So, whatever decision that you’re gonna make, please make sure that it comes from the best intentions in your heart, with a healthy amount of self-confidence and strong faith in your personal strengths to face anything that follows afterward. And you are not alone in your journey to find your path, as everyone else is also doing it right now. Indeed, we are doing it for the rest of our lives. Hehe.
Last but not least, back to my suggestion to consider me as your sister’s next door at the beginning of this post… Just because I have learned those things I shared above doesn’t mean I already mastered them. I am also still learning to always have a strong faith in myself, walk my talks, and consciously live with a pure, good intention in anything I choose to do. I think I also write this letter as a gentle reminder for myself, as now I am also struggling to decide my next direction in life. So once again, I would tell you that you are not alone in this confusing life.
As for closing, one important thing that I learned from getting my master’s degree is to be aware of the bias and limitations of our research/study/statements. Those lessons that I shared above apparently have limitations since they are being told by someone who doesn’t even have a firm foundation (a secured job, marriage status, or public accolades) yet at the end of her twenty-something phase. There is also a limitation in a lesson about romance life, which maybe I would be able to share at the end of my thirties. Hehe. Those lessons also come from a subjective perspective that might not work or can be applied in everyone’s life. Therefore, to believe or to agree with them is an option. As every explorer has a right to choose which traveler’s guides they would use, you have every right to believe all or partial lessons or even oppose my views.
The choice is always yours. :)
頑張りましょう！
Warm regards,
-T
